Chelsea vs Arsenal – the final! 3 Ways to stop Hazard: #1: Sabotage the team bus! Kepa, I told you not to let Danny Drinkwater drive! Yes, saved us a job… How to stop Aubameyang and Lacazette: #1, sabotage the flights… Ere you go officer… their passports Thank you, oh, I see these two are from Armenia… What? No we’re not! That’s what your passport says… #2, man mark him! Okay Granit, your job is to man-mark Hazard… Yes Unai! Everywhere he goes, you go! Yes Unai! And I mean everywhere! Yes Unai! Number 2, sabotage the goal celebration! Hey Alex, I’m gonna leave these special Black Panther masks here. If we score, let’s put them on. Let me see them… Sh**! Totally sh**!. They look nothing like Black Panther! And #3, if all else fails, activate the Sleeper ‘Sell’ Must stop Eden! Must stop Eden! Hazard is free!
Goal! Must stop Eden! Must stop Eden! Hazard can make it 2-0!
Goal! Must stop Eden! Must stop Eden!
Must stop Eden! Hazard is free again!
Goal! That’s his double hat-trick! 6-0! Thanks for nothing!
You’re just a sh** Alvaro Morata! And a slightly less-shit Danny Welbeck! Thanks! That isn’t a compliment! And #3, if all else fails, activate the Sleeper ‘Sell’ Aubameyang is through!
Saved! Handball! Lacazette is unmarked!
Saved! Handball, yellow card! Aubameyang can equalise in the last minute of stoppage time! Oh my Goodness!
Saved! It’s all over, Chelsea win! Their fans go wild! All 42 of them!