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Bachelor Auction – SNL

August 21, 2019


>>>GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE.
SOLE FOR A WHOPPING $1,600. CONGRATULATIONS TO THIS LOVELY
YOUNG LADY AT TABLE SIX. YOU HAVE WON BREAKFAST AND A
PRIVATE TENNIS LESSON WITH OUR HEAD INSTRUCTOR BRANDON.
>>HEADS UP, I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU SWEAT.
>>AT BREAKFAST?>>NO.
THE TENNIS LESSON.>>OKAY, YOU TWO SEE DANA TO SET
THAT DATE. $1600 IS OUR BIGGEST TAKE SO FAR
IN OUR BACHELOR AUCTION. REMEMBER, ALL PROCEEDS FROM
TONIGHT GO TO OUR CLUB’S YOUTH TRAVELING TEAM.
SO PLEASE, KEEP GIVING GENEROUSLY.
OUR NEXT TENNIS CLUB BACHELOR WORKS AT THE PRO SHOP.
IT’S CHAD. YOU MAY KNOW CHAD FROM VAPING IN
THE PARKING LOT. YOU ARE BIDDING ON LUNCH WITH
CHAD.>>OKAY.
>>FANTASTIC. LET’S START IT OUT AT 50 BIG
ONES.>>SOMETHING ABOUT THAT VOICE.
ALL RIGHT, CHAD HELP US OUT HERE.
WHY DON’T YOU SELL YOURSELF FOR THE LADIES.
GOT ANY FUN TALENTS?>>I — I MADE UP A DANCE CALLED
“THE DOINK DOINK.”>>ALL RIGHT.
LET’S SEE THE DOINK DOINK.>>OKAY.
>>DOINK DOINK. DOINK DOINK.
DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK. BOOP.
>>OH, MY GOSH. THAT’S INCREDIBLE.
>>YES, WE HAVE EYES SYLVIA. $100.
>>$500.>>$1,000.
>>$2,000.>>DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK,
DOINK DOINK DOINK.>>$5,000.
>>TYPICAL CECIL, JUMP IN WHEN THE ACTIONS HOT.
>>$10,000 AND I’LL RAISE MYSELF TO 15.
I MUST HAVE THE DOINK DOINK.>>GO HOME, LADIES.
$30,000!>>$50,000.
AND THAT’S A BARGAIN. AND I AM WILLING TO GO TO SIX
FIGURES. BUT I NEED MORE.
WHAT ELSE DOES CHAD BRING TO THE TABLE?
>>CHAD ANY OTHER HIDDEN TALENTS?
>>I CAN DO AN IMPRESSION OF JIM CAREY AS THE GRINCH.
>>OH, JESUS CHRIST, THIS PLACE IS GOING TO EXPLODE.
>>$100,000. I DON’T EVEN NEED TO HEAR IT.
>>WHAT IF IT’S NOT GOOD.>>OF COURSE IT WILL BE GOOD.
IT’S CHAD, YOU COW.>>SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU.
LET CHAD WORK.>>OKAY.
THIS IS WHEN HE’S TALKING TO THE DOG.
“TOMORROW’S CHRISTMAS, IT’S PRACTICALLY HERE!”
>>$500,000!>>$600,000.
THAT SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE THE GRINCH.
>>$700,000, AND I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THE GRINCH.
>>I FEEL LIKE I’M IN THE UPSIDE DOWN RIGHT NOW.
CHAD’S GRINCH IMPRESSION TOOK TO US 700 GRAND.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU’RE HIDING FROM US?
>>I CAN DO A MAGIC TRICK.>>IT’S POINTLESS, LADIES, THERE
IS A REASON YOU ALL CALL ME RICHIE BITCH BEHIND MY BACK.
I GET WHAT I WANT.>>QUIET PIG, LOOK.
>>BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING.
BOING, BOING, BOING.>>$10 MILLION!
>>$10 MILLION. GOING ONCE, TWICE, SOLD TO THE
MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUN COAT. WHO ARE YOU, SIR?
>>IT DOESN’T MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS THE LUNCH WITH
CHAD IS MINE! HAVE THE BOY CLEANED AND TAKEN
TO MYELOGENOUS.>>SOUNDS KIND OF CREEPY.
ARE YOU COOL WITH THAT, CHAD?>>OKAY.
>>CHAD’S COOL WITH IT. BIG HAND FOR CHAD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ALL RIGHT, ONTO OUR BIG TICKET
ITEM. WE PULLED A LOT OF STRINGS TO
GET HIM HERE. GET YOUR CHECKBOOKS OUT, LADIES.
READY FOR OUR NEXT BACHELOR, TENNIS LEGEND, MR. JOHN McENROE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TELL US, WHAT ARE THEY BIDDING
ON MR. McENROE.>>ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, WHAT I’M
OFFERING IS A WEEKEND STAY AT MY ESTATE, AKA, THE MACK SHACK.
IT INCLUDES A THREE-HOUR TENNIS LESSON FROM YOURS TRULY, A MIXED
DOUBLES MATCH WITH ANDRE AGASSI AND STEFFI GRAF, AND OF COURSE
UNLIMITED SELFIES WITH ME, JOHN McENROE, THE BAD BOY OF
TENNIS.>>WOW.
WOW, LADIES, THE BAD BOY OF TENNIS.
START THAT BIDDING.>>WHAT?
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I’M JOHN McENROE, MAN!
WHAT DO YOU LADIES WANT? YOU CAN BRING CHAD ALONG.
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK,
DOINK, DOINK.>>$20 MILLION.
>>NOW THAT IS MORE LIKE IT.>>SOLD.
$20 MILLION. [ APPLAUSE ]

100 Comments

  • Reply Baguette Faguette June 25, 2019 at 9:01 pm

    Pete: dies
    Pete: ok.

  • Reply naru hodo June 26, 2019 at 2:13 am

    What is galaway girl doinn there?😅😁

  • Reply Trevin Hughes June 26, 2019 at 6:42 am

    Pete: breathes
    Me: all $571 dollars in my bank account

  • Reply stypayhorlikson 3000 June 26, 2019 at 7:55 am

    It's Chad, you cow!

  • Reply urbansustainability June 26, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS

  • Reply Kylie Alyssa June 26, 2019 at 9:24 pm

    CHAD

  • Reply LuxuryJesper June 26, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    Goddamnnnnnn Cecily is sexy

  • Reply Sebastian Borras-Ziems June 28, 2019 at 3:32 am

    Chads favorite word is okay.

  • Reply Bret Smith June 28, 2019 at 9:33 am

    I think the "doink doink" dance is from Andrew LAWF

  • Reply RozuRules June 29, 2019 at 12:53 am

    He is a chick magnet

  • Reply Sniper Melon June 29, 2019 at 2:20 pm

    Virgin McEnroe VS The Chad Doink Grinch Impersonator

  • Reply L June 29, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    Okay

  • Reply Sheldon MItchell June 30, 2019 at 3:45 am

    Ok

  • Reply Nick Niehaus June 30, 2019 at 6:42 am

    How does keenan always steal every skit he's in?

  • Reply thedreadedzero June 30, 2019 at 11:12 am

    Of course it’s gonna be good, it’s Chad you cow

  • Reply Gem Stealers June 30, 2019 at 7:53 pm

    2:38 Stranger things reference 😂

  • Reply Tristan McFolley July 1, 2019 at 12:44 am

    “Of course it’ll be good, it’s Chad you cow!” Had me weak 😂😂😂

  • Reply SkatorGators July 1, 2019 at 4:45 am

    What do they see in Keenan, anyone can yell out words, he's got a skill at being super funny.

  • Reply Young Bodybuilders July 1, 2019 at 12:27 pm

    What a chad

  • Reply Cadesworth. July 1, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Somehow even though this is a parody of misogynistic shows, it still manages to objectify all the women on screen. Bravo, SNL.

  • Reply rude cool dude July 5, 2019 at 8:36 pm

    Did you see the girls in the background

  • Reply Ahmed H July 9, 2019 at 3:55 am

    How did Keenan get so rich

  • Reply evette kabareti July 9, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    I’m chuck bass

  • Reply John Kolenc July 9, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    How is the funny. I don't get it. Dumb

  • Reply Michelle Plautz July 10, 2019 at 3:43 am

    How vapid do you have to be to find this funny?

  • Reply Coffee Talk TV July 10, 2019 at 9:04 am

    Does this channel delete any negative criticism? This is so terrible and unfunny

  • Reply Xd_jthomas July 11, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    L

  • Reply Ryan K July 12, 2019 at 12:13 am

    i love how that dude says, "…okay…" my fav of him was when he was talking with that teacher and the teacher was saying a bunch of serious stuff and he was completely aloof and stupid (i don't remember it too well since it's been years. but i remember the quick blank face saying, "okay").

  • Reply n1nnymuggins July 12, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    Dude when he said "doink doink doink" i LITERALLY shit💩 🤣! i slammed my desk so hard my glass shattered and embedded itself in my arm 😫 LOL i need to go to the hospital🏥 ROFL
    💀

  • Reply T R U T H July 12, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    You all are brain dead.

  • Reply ImTheRetard July 14, 2019 at 4:10 am

    they need to add the doink doink to fortnite now

  • Reply Twitter Defaultyboi July 14, 2019 at 6:01 am

    Ariana: I don’t love you no more.
    Pete: okay

  • Reply wrinkleneckbass July 14, 2019 at 9:10 am

    Kate McKinnon looks amazing with that long brunette hair. And I swear the dude who plays Chad has no talent. Literally zero.

  • Reply Grace Deree July 15, 2019 at 1:53 am

    i love tall, skinny, white skater boys that look like they don't sleep

  • Reply Maya Roy July 15, 2019 at 3:03 am

    "20 M I L L I O N DO L L A S"

  • Reply jim Moore July 15, 2019 at 11:01 am

    Good thing Chad didn't tell them that he has a big dick

  • Reply Shaun Flemons July 16, 2019 at 12:20 am

    😂😂😂😂😭😭😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Carson Smith July 16, 2019 at 1:09 am

    This isn’t funny

  • Reply Monty Wilkinson July 16, 2019 at 1:12 am

    Scary thing is This is how real women would react!!!! But then again men would do the same thing!! So this is comedy of humanity!!!

  • Reply I Beat My Wife July 16, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    Was this supposed to be funny

  • Reply Asura Khæñ July 16, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    Chaaad!

  • Reply Whyinem July 18, 2019 at 11:46 pm

    This cast is so good at what they do

  • Reply Blue Ball Brotherhood July 19, 2019 at 4:12 am

    Not a real Chad cause he isn't blonde and doesn't surf

  • Reply Banana Milk July 19, 2019 at 5:06 am

    2:39 yo was that a stranger things reference?

  • Reply Landon Fanelli July 19, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Did he just reference stranger things by saying I'm in the upside down

  • Reply TRIFECTA July 19, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    "TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS!"

  • Reply Cody Jefferson July 20, 2019 at 4:05 am

    "What if it's not good?"

    "Of course it'll be good, he's Chad you cow"

    That cracked me up

  • Reply Awe47 July 20, 2019 at 4:19 am

    The mystery man paid up front we never heard from chad again

  • Reply rent a shill July 20, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    "…its chad, you cow"

  • Reply Jimin - Chimchim July 21, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    TEN MILLION

  • Reply digital subliminal messages July 21, 2019 at 6:15 pm

    S T O P. RA P E I N G. B a B I E S
    Haa/ its a prebreakfast workout // he'll make you sweat in confusion // ive got a cupon for 49:99

  • Reply The Emperor July 22, 2019 at 1:25 am

    everyone in the comment's either have to be cavemen or children it's just filled with people quoting lines from the skit and saying how much they laughed with other cavemen replying with "hahahahaha ikr" or "okay" and occasionally more quotes the worst part isn't the fact this shit is getting 2k likes it's that the quotes aren't even funny nothing in the chad skits are funny his one punch line is "okay" and thats basically all he says in what universe is "okay" funny

  • Reply Miss Tam July 22, 2019 at 10:40 am

    Just wondering are there really ppl like Chad in real life? LOL

  • Reply I am a faggot and July 23, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    These aren’t even funny wtf there always on trending and I heard that dude was funny but this is just stupid

  • Reply Rob July 25, 2019 at 11:58 am

    I think people are failing to realize, that this is making fun of how women always look for exactly opposite of what they really want.

  • Reply Nero July 26, 2019 at 11:42 am

    Ok.

  • Reply Brooks Carlson July 26, 2019 at 4:43 pm

    Kate McKinnon looks AMAZING in this….

  • Reply Getoutofme July 26, 2019 at 6:14 pm

    Anyone notice that Mikey day always looks like he’s playing a in the field reporter

  • Reply En Tropy July 27, 2019 at 8:50 am

    Of course it will be good it's Chad

  • Reply Bill Shire July 27, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    Was that Kyle Mooney ?

  • Reply arnoldtom1 July 27, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    keenan is hilarious as the mystery man. i can't stop watching this

  • Reply ABRAHAM ASCENCIO July 27, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    Saoirse gave off a Kate Winslet vibe in this video.

  • Reply jsaiyen211 July 28, 2019 at 6:52 am

    I would pay money to not have to sleep with that black lady. Gross

  • Reply Flower Rose July 28, 2019 at 9:27 am

    No one:

    Not one living soul:

    Chad: O Kay

  • Reply This is Patrick July 29, 2019 at 6:07 am

    Omg they made a stranger things reference

  • Reply Walker #0919 July 31, 2019 at 5:34 am

    Saoirse Ronan ♥️♥️

  • Reply Harsh Bhandari August 1, 2019 at 5:41 pm

    Kate, man

  • Reply andrew sullivan August 2, 2019 at 5:15 am

    Hey that’s bushwood from caddy shack!!

  • Reply Doug Lusco August 3, 2019 at 3:00 am

    Chad low key becoming an all-time snl character…

  • Reply Dennis Carver August 3, 2019 at 7:06 pm

    $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 FOR EVERYONE IN THE COMMENT SECTION!!!🐒

  • Reply Missy Durfee August 4, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    The Grinch impression..😂

  • Reply Anthony Snoeren August 6, 2019 at 5:16 am

    Enter Keenan to take it to a whole nother level!!!🤣🤣🤣

  • Reply flexibleskedule August 6, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    Keenan needs to be in some form of hall of fame. I don't know what that would be, but he needs to be there.

  • Reply Ulises Cervantes August 7, 2019 at 5:32 am

    I don’t like the guy in green suéter he always have a stupid participation and he always look like same his so boring for me

  • Reply Garrett Stephens August 7, 2019 at 7:36 am

    I feel like I’m in the upside down whenever I hear about Pete’s love life

  • Reply PiCheZvara August 7, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    I love how the woman in the black dress behind Saoirse Ronan is trying to act her ass off through the whole sketch.

  • Reply TanakinSkywalker August 8, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    It’s like jimmy Fallon and he’s not funny

  • Reply Ahmed Elsheikh August 8, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    When you're not talented but still getting your way through life

  • Reply Slade Wilson August 9, 2019 at 2:46 am

    I figured it out, it's because Chad is 6'1.

  • Reply Angeltwin Otakustyle August 9, 2019 at 3:14 am

    Mikey Day is me in most of his appearances. 😂😂

  • Reply Peters Sixth Sense August 11, 2019 at 12:23 am

    GO HOME LADIES! PATTIES COME TO PLAY! 30 THOUSAND DAMN DOLLARS!

  • Reply Sofia Posada August 11, 2019 at 3:23 am

    “ITS CHAD YOU COW”

  • Reply Jon Dillon August 12, 2019 at 2:55 am

    Kenan sucks so bad.
    After all those years on the show not one single iconic character… Not one memorable performance.
    Always the same stupid grin on his face. No impressions, he has never made another break character, he is just lame as shit.

  • Reply Ayma Harris August 12, 2019 at 11:55 am

    This video had more dialogues than any of Chad's videos

  • Reply Charlotte Gochenauer August 12, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    I thought it said the bachelor auditions

  • Reply Luis Barrera August 12, 2019 at 11:46 pm

    This skit is pathetic.

  • Reply HASAN NAOMI R. August 13, 2019 at 6:35 am

    And what is HE doing here?  This is supposed be for us.  Rich men make me so sick.

  • Reply Anupam Jha August 13, 2019 at 3:19 pm

    Okeh

  • Reply lance mahan August 14, 2019 at 2:53 am

    the doink doink

  • Reply Jerod Patterson August 14, 2019 at 3:00 am

    Minister: Confess your sins my son

    Me: Forgive me father I have sinned I kept staring at the black woman’s breast in extra’s audience near the right

    Minister: 100 Hail Marys

    Me: Thank You father

  • Reply john doe August 14, 2019 at 3:14 am

    I never really followed Davidson’s career but I don’t get how he is funny.

  • Reply Marti frank August 14, 2019 at 4:58 am

    Ths bad boy of tennis

  • Reply Giouras Teloo August 15, 2019 at 9:19 am

    Not very funny

  • Reply jackob kik August 16, 2019 at 8:34 am

    Cecily Strong's breasts are on point👌

  • Reply WizardShark August 16, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    Keenan only had two lines but he was the best one in that entire skit

  • Reply Grandma Susan August 18, 2019 at 3:08 am

    I'm looking at the thumbnail trying to see if it's chad

  • Reply The Cat August 18, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    Its was really funny when they used the same joke twice

  • Reply Jason Perez August 19, 2019 at 10:01 pm

    “What if it’s not good”
    “Of course its good… it’s Chad you cow”
    😂😂😂

  • Reply Tiana Naomi August 20, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    “What if it’s not even good?”
    “Of course its good, it’s Chad you cow”

  • Reply Shobhit Shrivastava August 21, 2019 at 12:18 pm

    Why the lady look like Terry crews???

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