Articles, Blog

Comparing Notes After Hooking Up with the Same Guy (feat. Hannah Berner) – You Up w/ Nikki Glaser

November 20, 2019


– You’re gonna be in
a rom-com soon. – Thank you, I-I hope so.
– I feel that for you. – With her would be amazing.
– Yeah. – As my–
– Wait, are you trying to make me jealous?
– Why? – Is she gonna be
your lesbian lover? – Dude, no, I have such…
– What’s happening here? – …a crush on you.
– I do feel it. – I’m so gay for you,
I’m not even kidding you. It’s kind of weird.
Like, I’ve never had a crush on a girl before
in the way that I have on you, and it is sexual, and I just
wanna admit that to you. – I feel like you guys could
end up together for a long time. – Oh, my gosh.
– Oh, my gosh. ♪♪ – I’m fascinated by
Hannah Berner. We have a lo– she– I did
her podcast which is out today. “Burning in Hell”
is the name of the podcast, and our episode just dropped
this morning. It’s available everywhere
you get your podcasts. We had such a good talk.
– It was an hour-45. Cut it down to like an hour-20.
– What did you take out? I hope you took-
– You know what I took out. – Oh, I’m so glad because
I was like, we’re gonna be
in trouble, Hannah. – I looked out for
the both of us. I went through that
with a needle-toothed comb. – I’m so grateful.
– Oh, man. – ‘Cause I’d rather us
be completely open, talk all the shit,
and then I use my creative, artistic
editing skills… – I was nervous…
– …to make us not get in trouble.
– …about that coming out. Because I was lik– listen,
I stand by everything I said. But, like, it was
a fine dance of words. – I would say something
and you would look at me, and I’d be like–
– No, because that’s the thing. But now I realize,
you’re like, “Bitch, I can take this out late–”
I didn’t realize that. I thought you were kind of like,
“Whatever happens, happens, and I don’t give a fuck.”
But you– okay, good. So you knew that you
were gonna go back– – Yeah. I mean,
I strategically kept some. And I had coffee with him
this week too. – Yes. Okay. – So you guys– can I say
what we’re all wondering? – Yeah, so Hannah opens
the podcast when she has me on and she’s like,
“Welcome to the show, my Eskimo sister
Nikki Glaser.” And I was like,
we’re just going in, aren’t we? And it made me feel
so good because– – And that means you’ve both
slept with the same man? – We’ve had the same dick
inside of us, yes. – Oh, my gosh.
– Ah, Eskimo sisters. I thought it was just
a nose kiss. – Oh, well, that too.
We’ll get there eventually. – But tha– that’s some
petty bullshit. We don’t do–
– Yeah, we spent a winter in an igloo together, but that’s not what
we’re referencing when we say Eskimo sisters,
but we did have that vacation. – That’s a new reality show–
– We did go on a journey. We went on a journey.
– Mm-hmm. – ‘Cause I thought
like Dan had made it seem– oh, my god, I just dropped it.
– It’s fine. – Dan Rather? You guys
both dated Dan Rather? – I love an old man,
I love an old, experienced man. – SiriusXM’s Dan Rather.
– (laughter) – Um, I mean, we–
– He’s distinguished. – Your boyfriend was Dan Soder
for a while. – Mm-hmm.
– And right before you, we had d– I had dated him
and was dumped by him. – You were the collateral dam–
– I think for you. You were the–
I don’t think, no. No, I don’t think it was for me.
– No, I think I just trace it to l– you know
when you’re like, you just, you meet someone else
that you like more– – And you’re like,
“Oh, that’s why it ended.” – Yeah, like, it all kinda fell
into place where I was like, he was probably talking
to her around the time where we were kind of like–
which is fine. Like, i–
I’ve never once be– I-I insist that my like,
boyfriends when I date them play the field, like,
look at other w– – Yeah.
– If you want someone better than me, then go,
but I didn’t get that answer when he broke up with me.
– But also, let’s go back– there’s no “better” than anyone,
it’s who is a good fit for you– – Are you talking vaginal fit? – Yes. (laughter) – He’s like Cinderella
with his dick. – (laughter)
– Just trying on different… slippers. “This one, mmm, not quite.”
– “Just right.” – Yeah.
– Goldilocks. – Yes.
– When I heard that he dated you,
I feel like it was like, kind of a humble brag,
’cause I– as a millennial girl, I knew who Nikki Glaser was
and I was like, “Damn, okay.” He got with Nikki.”
– Oh, that’s so nice. – And then he’s like,
“Nikki probably hates you.” And I’m like, no, no, no,
Nikki wouldn’t hate me. Nikki doesn’t know me,
Nikki doesn’t hate me. – I didn’t hate you, I was just
extremely jealous of you because you got to be
what I didn’t get to be which is like, his girlfriend.
– Sitting on his couch in Astoria under a subway…
– Oh, I got to do that. – …watching TV
and having to raise the volume when the train goes by?
– (laughter) Yes! – And then just like,
stuck with Mike Vecchione while he’s taking a shit
for like two hours. – (laughter)
– And I’m like, w– how’s Philly?
– Honestly, it sounds great. – Did you wrestle in
high school? That’s cool. – Oh, you were talking to Mike
while Dan was shitting. Got it.
– I became obsessed with you before I knew you were the girl
in the picture that I was obsessed with,
the one picture that he posted of you one time. I mean, I’m sure he posted
a bunch but I stopped follow– – He actually didn’t really.
He kept me secret. – Yeah.
– ‘Cause he was protecting me from his crazy “Bonfire” fans. He was like,
“They’ll come at you.” I was like, okay.
– I dated a guy that did that too,
for six years. This was pre-Instagram though.
But he was always like, “My fans are nuts, I want you
to be protected from them.” I’m like, yeah,
that does make it easier for you to sleep with them.
– Yes. I mean, that was
the case there for sure. – Yeah. But not saying that
with this particular– – Yeah, but there was
one picture of Hannah that I saw from when Dan
went to go see Mike Vecchione do Fallon, and she was
in the picture. – Oh, yeah.
– And I was obsessed with how he was like, holding her.
I was like, oh, my God, he like,
loves her, I can tell. Like, the way he’s holding her
and like, the way she had her arm around h–
I was just like, I want that so bad.
Ugh, and I was thinking I wanted to be Dan.
– (laughter) – No, I’m just kidding.
But, no, I was just like, everything I had
wanted with him, I was like,
this girl got it. And you know like,
that jealousy you feel of like, what–
I didn’t hate you, I really didn’t because you
just looked like a nice girl, and like, who am I
to hate you? But I was jealous for sure. And, um, and then–
then I forgot about you. You guys broke up,
I became friends with Dan again,
forgot about you. And then I meet you backstage
at that show… – Yes.
– You were there? Anya was there too.
– Anya was there too, at this– whose show was that?
Mary Beth Barone? – Mm-hmm.
– Yeah, and you were a guest on it, and we just
had a fleeting moment. But I was like,
that girl’s awesome. Loved her.
– Yeah, I remember we walked out and
Nikki was like, “She’s great,
I like her so much.” – That’s so funny.
– And I didn’t know that you were Dan’s ex.
– ‘Cause I remember thinking like, oh, Nikki’s cool.
I don’t think she liked me,
but I think she’s cool. – Oh, no, I was like,
bowled over by you in that fleeting moment. And then I started
following you on Instagram and I was like, oh, my God,
she’s so funny and cool. And… and it wasn’t
until like, weeks later, I think I was talking about you
and they’re like, “That’s Dan’s ex.”
And I’m like, oh, that’s the girl
from the picture! It was like “The Girl
With the Pearl Earring.” I don’t know that book, but is there a moment
like that in that book? – I have to tell you
a funny secret. I, um– so once
we became buds, you announced your
Netflix special, and I was excited for her. I-I had a physical reaction,
I was like, yes! So I had to put a couple
fire emojis on your photo, ’cause that’s how
I express affection. Then Dan announced
his HBO special, and I put– like,
my mom sent it to me, and I was like,
okay, I’ll be nice. I like, put a fire emoji
under his. – ‘Cause that’s
how you express emotion. – He texts me and goes,
“Wow, so Nikki gets four fire emojis and I get one?”
And I was like, sorry. (laughter) So he’s aware, he knows
exactly what’s happening. – I know.
– He’s joking, but he’s not really joking.
– A– and I know he’s listening because he has Sirius
’cause he has a show on this. Dan, I promise you
I did not seek out your ex-girlfriend
to be friends with because of some kind
of punishment or retribution to you. I-I fell for her before
I knew she was your ex. And then once I found out,
I was like, well, we gotta bring this in…
– (laughter) – No, it just– well,
it does make sense that I would be drawn
to someone who I was i– I was romantic with and who
I got along with really well, and then he finds another girl
who he gets along with. Why wouldn’t–
– It all makes sense. – It’s also why like,
do you ever have a crush on a guy’s friend
that you’re seeing? – Yes.
– ‘Cause it’s like, he gets along with him,
you get along with him, you’d get along with his friend.
– Yes. – It all makes sense.
We’re all in a circle and we try each other out
romantically. – Mm-hmm.
– We haven’t yet, but like, we’ll see
what happens. – I mean, just–
– And then… – Tick tock.
– Give it some time. – I said I think Dan–
the only reason I met Dan was to bring me together
with Nikki. – Oh, that could be. – You said you got a lot
out of that breakup. – Oh, I did, I did. I learned so much
about myself. I was young, I was 25.
I had no job when I met him. He’s very like, “I don’t want
to date a comedian.” And I was this like,
raw, young like– – What were you doing…
– Nymphet? – …before you became–
– Just fucking a lot. – Where are you from?
What’s your history? – So I’m from
Brooklyn, New York originally, and I was just like,
a tennis player my whole life. I went to University
of Wisconsin where I played tennis.
– Division I? – Division I.
– Damn, girl. – Also, he loved the fact
that my dad grew up like, good friends
with Colin Quinn. – Right.
– So Colin Quinn’s brother Dave Quinn was the best man’s
at my dad’s wedding. – Oh, wow.
– Like, they grew up in Park Slope, Brooklyn.
Dan loved that. He would like,
introduce me and be like, “Her dad knows Colin Quinn.”
I’m like, is that really what you like about me?
(laughter) – It’s so funny
the things guys latch onto. – I know, I’m like,
none of my friends know that. Literally noth– none of
my friends know that about me. – That’s the number-one thi–
– That’s the number-one thing he’d introduce me
and I was like, goddamnit. Um, and then I had–
I had hated my sales job, I did a marketing job,
and I was like, I was just manifested
like, I wanna do video. Like, whether it’s
sports broadcasting, or something in front
of a camera. And I quit my marketing job,
and got an unpaid internship at like, a sports company
editing videos. And then the company Betches,
they’re this like Instagram– – Oh, yeah.
– Was looking for a video producer with like
five years experience. My friend messaged me,
she was like, “Submit a funny video.” And I’m like, I don’t have
five years experience. And she’s like, “Just do it!”
– Yes. – So they called me in,
they liked my video, and they were like,
“You have shit experience.” But I had like,
all of these ideas. I was like, well, I can make
all these for you. – Yeah.
– And they were like, “Okay, we’ll pay you
$300 a week.” – Damn.
– Luckily I was living with my parents at the time. And, um, the videos
started to go viral and I like, honed my
comedy writing skills, and my video editing skills,
and my producing skills, my acting skills,
I was having so much fun. And that was like–
Dan was there when I got the job.
– Mmm. – And then he was inspiring
’cause I saw someone do what they love
and get paid for it. – And like how joyous
that could be. – I mea–
– What a great life that– and hard.
– And hard. Like, not every comedian’s obviously happy
with who they are. But the fact that he like,
created his own life of how he wanted to
was so inspiring to me. – Yeah.
– And then I got a call f– and then Dan and I broke up,
and he gave me like, an exciting purpose
after tennis. Like, I felt like a nobody.
I felt irrelevant. And tennis,
for my whole life, it was like, oh,
she’s a tennis player. I was like, ranked top
in the nation, I had sponsorships.
– Wow. – I was feelin’ myself. And then it just
disappears one day and you’re like,
how do I compete with people who’ve been doing comedy
their whole lives, or fashion their whole lives,
or marketing their whole lives? And then–
– Why did tennis disappear? – I was burned out.
– Okay. – I also like, dealt with
a lot of performance anxiety. And like, getting on the court,
it’s similar to standup as in every weekend
I travel, I play girls,
either win or lose, and then you have to
deal with that. And when you lose
you’re like, I’m the worst tennis player
that ever lived. And when you win, you don’t
even get a high anymore ’cause you’re like,
thank God I won. Um, but Dan– suddenly
I felt like, cool again. This like, successful guy
doing comedy. I didn’t even know
if I loved comedy yet. But I felt like–
– How’d you guys meet? – Dating app.
– Oh, yeah. – Like Hinge or something.
– What month? (laughter) – Um, okay, um…
– (Anya) What year? – I’m gonna say
like, November. – Yeah, okay.
Like, end of November? Beginning of November?
These are all… – It was like…
(murmuring) Was it November?
– Do you remember like, Thanksgiving like,
hanging out with him or talking to him
during Thanksgiving? – These ar– oh, my God,
I have the worst memory. Like, I don’t even
remember his birthday. Like, I’m really bad with dates.
– But November. It’s not– the timing’s
not good, Dan. – (laughter)
– The timing’s not good. I remember just
getting that text. You know, like, “Nikki,
I just don’t think “it’s gonna work out,
there are so many reasons why it can’t happen.” Um, none of which
he listed. – (laughter)
– “But there’s so many reasons why I don’t think
this is gonna work out.” I feel like he could’ve listed
one at that time. – One crucial reason.
– One was probably… (laughter) – That would’ve been
so helpful. So much better than letting
someone toil for a year. – “I met someone else”
is– you know, that’s not easy to hear,
but it would’ve been something. Because I just thought
it was like– – I think it was
November, December. ‘Cause I remember
we weren’t close enough that like, that holiday
there were no gifts exchanged. – Right, right, right.
– That first one. – You didn’t get him
a Thanksgiving gift. (laughter) – Here’s a turkey leg.
Um, yeah, yeah. – Okay, okay.
– Okay. – But maybe– okay,
well, we’ll talk off-air. – Yeah.
– But I love– I would love to figure out
the timing. It would just bring me
so much satisfaction to have some answers.
– I just need to pull out
my Google Calendar, and we’ll look at the dates.
– Yes! – I’m kind of a guy’s girl.
Like, I know all about sports. – Yes.
– And like, I have– I’m very close with
my dad and my brother. So I’m very comfortable
with men. Like, I love talking
to hot dudes. It’s like, my favorite hobby.
– Me too. – Making them feel
like they’re not hot. Don’t you love that?
– Oh, really? No, I’m like drooling.
– I’m just like, don’t touch me,
you’re gross. – What kinda guy
are you attracted to? – Um, just tall men. That’s my only–
that’s all I need. – How tall are you?
– I’m 5’7. – What was your– your thing
about do I like him or is he– you may have had a couple
that were so funny. – Yeah, do I like him or does he
just wear his hat backwards? Do I like him
or does his apartment just have exposed brick?
– (laughter) – ‘Cause I will fuck a dude
with exposed brick. I don’t give a shit.
Um, do I like him or is he just tall,
which is a big one. Do I like him, or did he just
laugh at one joke? – (laughter)
– One of my jokes and I’m like, he gets me!
– Oh, my God. When guys laugh at my jokes– I feel like guys don’t ever
laugh at my jokes. The guys I like.
– You’re hysterical. – But you know what I mean?
– Oh, yeah, they wanna be coy. – Because they think
every guy does that. – Did Dan laugh at your jokes?
– Hmm. You were telling o–
on the podcast about your ex who was– like,
you were at a party with a bunch of models,
can you tell that story? – Oh, yeah,
that was really funny. So my ex is this
big British man. Handsome, 6’6, tall.
Climbed him like a fucking tree. – Where did you meet him?
– Oh, my God, Hinge. – What the fuck?
– I’m like ove– I can’t do apps now that
I’m on “Summer House.” – I know, you’re too famous.
– Yeah, I’m way too famous. No, um, I’m not at all,
just I attract weird bros who are like, “Oh, man, my ex
used to watch that show.” – Right. You don’t want people
who know you from that. – Um, no.
– Yeah, gotcha. – I just like,
pee in hot tubs drunk. And they’re like,
“You’re fun.” – Yeah, you’re like, that’s–
– I was drunk. – They think that’s
the real you but it’s like, yeah,
it’s the reality show version. – Or also, I went on
a date with a guy recently and he was just like, “Yeah,
my friends love you on the show. Like, they said
I should kiss you.” And it was like,
early on in the date. And I was like,
I need to get out. So I go to this party with–
I also– I have this– yeah, I go to this
party with Dave. British Dave is his name.
He was on “Summer House.” – Oh, okay.
– And there’s all these like, really tall models,
and they’re Eng– like, they’re British.
And I was like, oh, go talk about, like,
your hometown with them. Like, go over there,
talk about British shit. Talk about like crumpets or whatever the fuck
you talk about. And after the party–
like, also it’s cool energy to be like, yeah,
I don’t care. Like, it’s hot to be like,
I’m like a little jealous, but kinda like that these girls
think you’re attractive. Like, I kinda like that.
– Yeah, I’m into that too. – Yeah, turns me on. And then–
are we into the same thing? – I think so.
Yeah, like, I like, I don’t get jealous,
I’m just like, if you wanna be with them,
be with them, but like, you don’t,
and the fact that they want you is so hot, and I get you?
– It’s so hot. – Have at it, ladies.
– So we were like, on the subway going back,
and I’m gonna do a really brutal British accent,
but he was like… (with British accent)
“So I was talking to the models “and like, whatever,
and I normally would be like, “‘Oh, they’re so hot like,
this is such a fun night.’ “And I look over,
and you’re manspreading “arguing with someone
on the couch. “And I was like,
why do I like her? And I don’t know,
but I do.” And I was like,
you see me. And then we broke up
because I got bored. But like, it was so cute
in that moment. – Yeah.
– Yes, yes, to l– – A British neg.
– A British neg, yes. A British negging.
Oh, I love negging. – Yeah.
– Ugh, it does work. – It’s terr- like,
men are very bad at it most of the time,
but as a g– oh, can I tell you
my secret to, um, to talking to hot men?
– To Tyler Cameron? – Yes.
– To getting Tyler Cameron to wanna have sex with me?
No, we didn’t get ther– that far, I planted a seed.
Why is my pho– – Planting a seed.
– In his prostate? – So this is– yes.
(laughter) Anya’s cracking me up right now.
Okay, so, let’s say you go into a bar
and you see a hot dude. – Okay.
– You do not just go to the hot dude. Also, I play the long game,
I’m strategic. I have nothing else
to do, you know? – You’re a tennis player,
you know what’s up. – Yeah, you’re not like,
there to listen to your friend talk about like, the same story
she talks about all the time. So– so you see the hot guy.
So you go by, and he’s gonna be
with a group of friends. You find like, the ugly,
approachable one, and you like, say some shit
about his shirt or something
and just hit it off with him. And you’re not like,
super flirty, but you’re just being fun.
You’re just like, I’m fun, I’m at the bar,
I’m making friends. And you talk with him,
and you ignore the hot guy. Ignore him.
– Yes. – So that was the first seed. Then, you know, you do
your thing at the bar, you see his ugly friend again–
and when I say ugly friend, I just mean he’s not my type.
– Or he’s not as attractive as– – Yeah, like, you’re not
nervous around him. – Yeah, yeah.
– You go by and you give him another like, you know,
little hand-point. Or like, you hit him,
what’s up, how you doing? Oh, this is my song–
just you’re planting seeds, ’cause if you see someone twice
at a bar then you’re friends. – Yeah.
– Like, the first– anyone can see someone once, once you’re at two,
you’re in with them. – You’re so right.
– Then finally you go up and you’re talking,
and this is the time. When you’re with the group
and you’re continually ignoring the hot guy,
in that moment, if he thinks you’re attractive
he’s either gonna be like, “Why isn’t she talking to me?” and he’s finally
gonna talk to you, or if he’s not into you
he won’t talk to you. – Okay.
– And in that moment, you don’t have to put yourself
out there at all. You’re just doing your thing,
you never get rejected. But like,
nine times out of ten, it’s easy to then get in
with him. – Okay, ignore the hot guy. – Do you make eye contact
in that moment? – Um, I don’t li– yeah. The third time,
make eye contact. – And smile?
– Because… – Yeah, yeah.
– Yeah, that’s about right. – Although, I will say
in the book we read… – Over and over.
– Over and over. She says don’t play that game
of being the girl that talks to the friend
that’s not threatening– – Oh, does she?
– Because you’re not being authentic,
and you’re not giving this guy who deserves your attention
that attention that he– – Right, I play games, sorry.
– I play so many games. – I play so many games.
And also like, I am being authentic ’cause
I do wanna talk to your friend. He’s probably fun.
I like talking to guys and meeting guys,
but I’m also showing that like, I’m not just
gaga over you. ‘Cause I am being authentic,
I don’t know you yet. So I’m not gonna try
to be flirty with you. – Right.
– That makes sense. – That’s– ugh, I love
ignoring a hot guy. – Oh, I love it.
– And then what happened? Did he talk to you?
The “Bachelor” guy? – Oh, the “Bachelor” guy.
– Let’s get back to Tyler Cameron.
– (laughter) Yes. – So you met, um,
Gigi Hadid’s ex-love interest, ex-“Bachelorette” contestant
Tyler Cameron, who is the hottest guy
on the show, that has maybe
ever been on the show– – People are saying hottest
in the world right now. – Hottest guy in the world.
I would say– I mean, when I saw him on the show,
and I didn’t get involved in that show until like,
the last couple episodes of Hannah’s season, I was
like, it’s him, Hannah! There’s like,
an Instagram story where I’m watching it
for the first time. – Isn’t he like, 24 also?
– Yeah, I think he’s really young,
but that’s fine. – He’s like a carpenter?
– He is so, so attractive. And, um– let’s look at him.
– (all) Oh, my God. – And his blue eyes.
– He looks like a Kennedy. – And he said all the right
things on that season, too. Like, he was just a nice guy.
– He was normal. – And she didn’t pick him, and it’s devastating
that she didn’t. But, you know, she–
she probably made the right call for herself,
but I mean, I would be regretting that
the rest of my life. Tell me how you met
Tyler Cameron. – So I– actually,
we’re gonna get along ’cause I don’t really
like drinking. Like, I’ll do it,
but I don’t like it. I don’t love socializing,
I have a cat, I live in Queens for a reason
’cause I don’t love people. And my friend Lindsay’s like,
“What are you doing tonight?” And I’m like, oh, my god,
I’m probably like– so much work, you know?
And she’s like, “I’m at a table
with Tyler Cameron.” Her boyf– Lindsay’s boyfriend–
Lindsay on “Summer House”– her boyfriend like,
is in the Tao Group industry. I don’t know what was happening,
but she was like, “I’m at a table
with Tyler Cameron.” And I was like,
“I’m Ubering. I’m Ubering.” So I get there,
and it’s very chill. Like, it’s where you’d
wanna meet Tyler Cameron. – (laughter)
– Like, no one– it was just like,
a kind of VIP situation where no one was
really in the bar, it was like,
kinda early to open. But like, they had a table,
and he was sitting with his high school friends
and two girls. One of whom who knew me from
Betches but went to college w– – Amazing, amazing.
You have status. Like, you walk in
and she’s freaking out, he sees it.
– Exa– so I walk in, and I’m– immediately panic
and play the card of like, I don’t know who he is. Like, as a New Yorker,
you just have to do that. So I’m just like,
and he’s like, he has this low…
(deep voice) “Tyler. Tyler.” (normal voice)
Like, very low voice. (whispers)
I think he’s dumb. Like, really dumb.
– Oh, I thought you said a dom. I was like, God, that’s so hot.
– I know, I love how tha– he probably is,
but he was– – Is a dumb dom?
– Yeah. – ‘Cause I love dumb dom.
– I love a dumb dom. We have to coin that.
– A dumb dumb dom? Yes, oh, my God, okay.
– #DumbDom. He’s very, um, he was quiet.
And I was like, I came in a little hot.
– He’s like, “Fuckin’ g– “I’m gonna tie you up,
but I don’t know how to do this knot.”
– (laughter) – “I’m gonna spank you
with this paddle, “but, um, on your right cheek?
Which one’s– let me– hold on, which one’s the left
which o–” A dom dumb. Dumb dom. Go on. – So I sit down,
and I’m just like, ignoring him, as I do,
and I’m talking to like, his annoying fucking friend
from high school. And they were so annoying.
But we were talking, we were having fun–
– Dude, this guy has been ignored by women
so many times with this game. It’s almost like everyone
probably does that to him. – Yeah! So then I–
Lindsay gets up to the bathroom and I like, had to scoot in
to sit next to him. I wasn’t originally there.
So I sit next to him, and the girl next to him– ’cause I can’t
talk to him still– went to school with him,
and she’s like, “Oh, I’m from New York City,
you’re from New York City?” And I was like, yeah,
I went to Beacon. She was like,
“Do you know this hot guy?” And she mentioned his name,
and I was like, oh, my god, he was
so hot in high school. She’s like, “Yeah, he has like,
four kids and is a DJ now.” And I’m like,
I see that for him. And then Tyler pops in
and he goes, “You guys just gonna talk
about this hot guy all the time” or som– like, he seemed–
– Oh, yeah, he didn’t like it? – He didn– ’cause I was just
talking about some hot guy. – ‘Cause he’s the hot guy.
– ‘Cause he’s the hot guy. So I grabbed his attention. And we were just chatting,
funny, I made him laugh. There was that one photo
that happened. I did like,
a secret Instastory where I wro– like,
it was me and Lindsay and I wrote “wait for it,”
and at the very end I just turned it to him,
’cause I really had to be cool about it.
– You had to, yes. – And I almost didn’t even
post that photo ’cause I’m like, what if we start dating?
Like, I can’t be that girl who like, posted a photo.
And my friend’s like, you’re not gonna date,
just post it. – (laughter)
– Well, no. It can totally still happen.
– We ended it like, he was like,
“Oh, you’re on a show.” And I was like,
yeah, reality TV. And then I’m like, shit,
I showed that I know who he is. So I was all over the place.
– (laughter) – No, I was like, reality TV!
And then he’s like… – You’re like,
“You’re a Scorpio, so you get it!
Damnit! – Damnit!
– I looked up his birth time. – I know!
– You’re Taurus rising– – I didn’t watch the season,
so I wasn’t like, that crazy– – Good. Oh, that’s great.
– I just knew I knew he was hot. – Yes.
– And then I heard a rumor– he went up to get a drink,
and someone was like, “Is he with Gigi?”
And they were like, “No, he’s having fun
in New York City.” So like, I knew that he was
single before the tabloids did. But I wouldn’t tell on him
’cause like, I care about him. – Wait, has there been a slide? – Um, no, I have not.
I have not. – No, has he slid?
– Into mine? – Yeah.
– Not yet. He’s playing games too,
you know? He’s playing a lot of games.
But he’s– I just love tall guys with blue eyes,
but he was very… (whispers)
He was boring. – Okay, yeah.
– He was really boring. – A lot of hot guys are.
– But I could– like, just being around him
I was having so much fun just being in his vicinity,
he didn’t have to do shit. – What was the last guy
you ended things with? What was your
last relationship like? – Well, right now,
I’m currently in a non-sexual
dating situation with this model,
hockey player who’s a purely sexual being,
and he won’t have sex with me. So I just– yeah.
– Why? – Great question.
Apparently he’s like, not over his ex and he
really cares about me. So he’s like,
“If we start having sex, we’re probably gonna date.” But he like, hits me up
every night to hang out and then we just
like, cuddle. – Oh, my God,
that sounds so good. – That sounds great.
– I– well, I know, but I’m putting it
on a pedestal. I don’t like being told
I can’t have something. And then I realize once
we have sex, I’m gonna be over it.
– Yeah. – But right now,
I’m just enjoying the attention. – When do you plan
on having sex? When does he– when’s he
gonna lift this embargo? – He’s kinda putting it on–
he’s– I know! He’s like– it’s kind of
a control thing, I feel like. – Yeah.
– He actually is apparently into BDSM,
which I’ve never done. – Yeah.
– And I’m scared of ’cause like, if I don’t like it, the night is gonna be
super awkward. And if I do,
the only way I can cum is like, with a gag ball
in my mouth getting spanked and tied up.
– No, no, you can still cum from other ways.
But like, it can be i– – Do you like being dominated?
– Yes, so much. – Do you want me
to introduce you to him? – No, he’s yours. – We have the same type
of guys, whatever. – We definitely do.
– So weird. (laughter) – You know what we should do,
is we should find a guy and we should hook up with him
together to ease into… – Yes!
– …our relationship. Would you ever do that?
– I would love to have two guys. Like, I’m an attention whore.
– Me too. – I would love that.
– Then you guys need four guys. – And I’d make them jealous,
I’d be playing mind games. I’ll ignore one and like,
not touch him for like, like ten minutes and be like,
you can’t touch me. And then like, go the other–
I don’t know, I’ve thought… – Okay, so let’s find a, um–
– Let’s do a foursome. – Let’s find four guys,
and we each get two, and we just like, high five
across the room. – I love that.
I mean, we can kiss. – Okay, okay, good, okay. But we don’t need
to go down on each other. I’m not ready to do that.
– No, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable in
any sense of the word. – God.
– I’ve never gone down, and I don’t wanna do bad.
– You’re the alpha. – I am?
– I just noticed that. – Really?
– Yeah. – She’s the one presenting–
– I know, but you’re– you have veto power,
you’re in control. – Oh, my God,
I’m so excited. Okay, let’s do this
and we’ll report back. – And we only
spank each other. (laughter)
– My ass is so disappointing, I don’t even want you
to see my butt. – She’s like your sous chef.
– You have the best butt ever. – You’re the alpha bitch–
– I only wanna be topless, and you can–
– Why?! Your tits are incred.
– I only wanna be topless. – Oh, I got it.
– Bottoms on. But yeah, we can spank
each other, make out– – What if you just wore
those underwear that have like, butt implants in them
the entire time? – I’m really
thinking about it. – Nikki with butt implants?
– Big briefs. Like, those underwear that
have butt padding in them. Wear those during
this sixsome. – Will do.
– Thank you. – Oh, it’s six now.
– Well, it’s four men and you guys, so that’s six.
– Four guys. (laughter) Is there a boy band?
An up and coming boy band that wants to–
how young will you go? – I don’t love young.
I’ll do like, 26. – We gotta go younger, Hannah.
– Really? – ‘Cause I feel like we gotta–
– Nikki, they’re so dumb. – Yeah, yeah, but this
is just a one-night thing. – I can do 24.
– (Anya) Yeah, Tyler’s 24. – As long as they’re big.
– Okay, okay. – I’ll take the little ones.
– I just like ’em huge. (laughter)

100 Comments

  • Reply You Up with Nikki Glaser November 12, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    Welcome to the new You Up w/ Nikki Glaser YouTube channel. Subscribe for new episodes and clips every week: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEVBir9A-WQIOZq4JmAifUg?sub_confirmation=1

  • Reply joNNboiMuHfucKA November 16, 2019 at 1:15 pm

    Nikki u are funny as fuck and u keep on keepin it real… it suits u very well.

  • Reply Asdollah Mirza November 16, 2019 at 2:52 pm

    whores much?

  • Reply Asdollah Mirza November 16, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    women are incapable of being funny.

  • Reply Aj Lorance November 16, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • Reply Timothy Brown November 16, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    I think I’m in love with her co-host 🤪

  • Reply TheUrbanEpicure November 16, 2019 at 5:44 pm

    The last three minutes gave me a legit boner. Damn.

  • Reply sRecollet November 16, 2019 at 6:01 pm

    Which reality show was Hannah on? Summer House I think. She can party.

  • Reply Dump Chump November 16, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    I’ve heard of a fine toothed comb but is a “needle tooth comb” I thing?

  • Reply Nathan Smith November 16, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    god damn this is dull

  • Reply Snuffian November 16, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Crackle crackle dan! Now we gotta get both these ladies on the Bonfire and just start asking questions, I’d pay so much to see Jay start joining in on it

  • Reply Sandra Becht November 16, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    They are trying too hard to be funny. Just relax..

  • Reply RapCityMusic November 16, 2019 at 7:59 pm

    Brunettes are just hotter than blondes

  • Reply Mario Brandolani November 16, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    Lucky man

  • Reply Steve T November 16, 2019 at 9:31 pm

    Her physical reaction was………wait for it………. "Yes" !!!

  • Reply Brick Breaker November 16, 2019 at 9:40 pm

    Fucks sake, is there anybody Glaser HASN'T fucked?
    What's that smell?

  • Reply Gman November 16, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    No wonder you women have Problems with men, you are nuts…. why the fuck would a sane man hook up with you ?

  • Reply David Golf November 16, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    All I can say is that I would like to do them both, either separately or at the same time. Love them.

  • Reply Respect/Walk November 17, 2019 at 12:02 am

    Well guess it's fine to talk shit on chicks can now

  • Reply Odeon November 17, 2019 at 12:42 am

    I love you Nikki

  • Reply Alan Watts November 17, 2019 at 1:31 am

    21:40 they both love a "dumb Dom" LMAO

  • Reply yew 2oob November 17, 2019 at 1:43 am

    At 17:11…this advice is terrible. If you want to hookup with a guy and then get dumped take this advice.

  • Reply Alan Watts November 17, 2019 at 1:44 am

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvr4ikRM5Bw

  • Reply LastbutNotFirst November 17, 2019 at 2:00 am

    21:13 raw lol

  • Reply Shel DeMax November 17, 2019 at 2:40 am

    Omg I'm.transfferring my crush from.nikki to Hannah I'm in love

  • Reply Black Belt Bullets November 17, 2019 at 3:55 am

    As the "ugly" non threatening type can confirm I get chicks talk to me at the bar all the time.. Doesn't help when on a blue moon one is actually flirting with me… Yeah talk to loads of cute chicks never go home with any of them hahahahahaha

  • Reply Kyle Carattini November 17, 2019 at 5:12 am

    Barren wombs

  • Reply A Ron November 17, 2019 at 5:26 am

    Wow.. People actually listen to this. All offense given.

  • Reply paul kieffer November 17, 2019 at 5:36 am

    any woman who loves anal is my type.

  • Reply Shannon Nunn November 17, 2019 at 5:38 am

    Nikki the throw away…. Who would have thought!

  • Reply Raul G November 17, 2019 at 6:05 am

    I don’t Know How I saw this come up on my thing Better than I thought. The Brunette seems Chill. Girls are Funny lol.

  • Reply 867 5309 November 17, 2019 at 6:19 am

    That was funny, but these women, like all women, want something real.

  • Reply torch tube November 17, 2019 at 7:13 am

    They are so cool funny and interesting im not comfortable objectifying them. I just wanna see them laugh and have fun

  • Reply John Smith November 17, 2019 at 7:36 am

    Like like like we are vapid whores wow ladies get Amy schumer on

  • Reply Taher Ahmed November 17, 2019 at 8:06 am

    What is the female equivalent of 'male chauvinism'?

  • Reply root8angel November 17, 2019 at 9:45 am

    Ew. Both of you are normally women I look up to. But thanks for being the women to ruin the game for actual women that don't have any reason to lie.

  • Reply root8angel November 17, 2019 at 9:50 am

    This episode was a fail for all females but nice almost try

  • Reply hawdarkshooter November 17, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Could be wrong but it sound like Nikki and Hannah are still hurt about the situation and Dan out here living his best life

  • Reply BOOSTDTV November 17, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    OMG LOL this conversation makes me so happy I decided on the apartment with lots of exposed brick. LOL

  • Reply Michael Shanahan November 17, 2019 at 9:55 pm

    Romantic comedy huh? Actually, I am filming a romantic comedy in my apartment. It is called " Stop being weird, I only want to put the tip of it up your butt" Heres the pitch: It is a love story that will make you, laugh, cry, and experience a hardcore anal orgasm.

  • Reply ROB-IN-PHILLY November 18, 2019 at 12:22 am

    :)..It's funny how women try to think the way men think…The opposite is no less valid…Men, at a bar, are just trying to get Laid…Nothing more, nothing less…Some guys have standards and prefer to get laid by the hottest girl/ body or face/ in the room…We cross them off one by one until we get lucky…But; Frankly; most of us are too unaware to pick up on the subtle hints of women… If you want a hot guy…Wave your hand, motion them to come over and say; "You likey"? If you're hot or fuckable the answer, unless they're homo's, will be yes…Nikki, could spit in a guys eye and he'd want to bang her…She's a dreamboat and any man that doesn't grasp her profound understanding of humor; is a fuckin idiot. Just sayin.

  • Reply Hosoi Archives November 18, 2019 at 1:27 am

    thot wannabees

  • Reply Emilio Doménech November 18, 2019 at 2:46 am

    I don't know exactly why yet, but this whole thing was mesmerizing and I would watch a thousand episodes.

  • Reply Chance Dukes November 18, 2019 at 4:29 am

    Why did YouTube recommend these whores to me. Begone thots!

  • Reply Chris Zablocki November 18, 2019 at 5:04 am

    I take it back. You're both babes.

  • Reply CARTOONIVERSE1 November 18, 2019 at 5:57 am

    This Lesbian Tourism by straight girls got mainstream in the 90's. Definitely STILL gets the attention of the boys.

  • Reply be_treble23 November 18, 2019 at 7:07 am

    Nikki, yous a Down Bitch!

  • Reply Mr. Randomly November 18, 2019 at 7:38 am

    Women share dick all the time. That’s nothing new.

  • Reply Shane Te Huia November 18, 2019 at 7:54 am

    Interesting ladies…im glad my life's not complicated lol.

  • Reply Gibson1961SG November 18, 2019 at 8:00 am

    When you finally realise that girls actually just have annoying conversations at their sleep overs… This sounded like I was stuck at my "wacky" Aunts house.

  • Reply Czechbound November 18, 2019 at 8:12 am

    I've just managed to listen to the first 10 minutes of this. If you told me it was 15 year olds, I'd believe it. And further proof that all girls are default bi-curious. Proposing lesbian sex so casually. 10 years ago, they'd have been burned as witches. Good that things have moved on, but using being gay as a badge of cool is a bit lame

  • Reply Pedro Strom November 18, 2019 at 8:41 am

    oh she hates you … lol

  • Reply ctdvargas November 18, 2019 at 12:40 pm

    These are what I call reallly cool but damaged women. Both funny and interesting but definately unable to pair bond…

  • Reply Rhino Bear November 18, 2019 at 1:09 pm

    Am I the only Man who has intentionally ignored attractive women until they came to talk to me first and then proceed to reject them without getting any poon?

  • Reply Just Aguy November 18, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    Wow, I never realized before this episode that every single woman is actually into me, I thought they were just ignoring me.

  • Reply Common Sense November 18, 2019 at 4:10 pm

    Sad that so many young ladies feel worthless at some point……  also sad that the answer seems to be getting famous or well known!!   There is so much more to life than being well known or famous………. going through life looking for the "hot guy"…….. so shallow!!!  Just being around famous hot people is so fun!!!   What a sham!!  Most famous people are lonely and can't trust anyone………. Best of Luck to all…………

  • Reply Kay H November 18, 2019 at 4:30 pm

    The female version of "tunnel buddies" is "Pole Pals". You're welcome

  • Reply Ecrir Twy'Lar November 18, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    18:20 or so. If a girl is talking to my friend and he seems interested in her. I am not going to have anything to do with her. I feel like this game she likes is going to attract the worst guys. lol

  • Reply Philip Kearney November 18, 2019 at 5:51 pm

    These girls won't settle down ever 😆

  • Reply Colt Benbow November 18, 2019 at 6:46 pm

    Jesus crist you girls are fucking nuts you have no idea your making it so difficult and complicated just go talk to him and say hi and be yourself that easy it’s a go or no

  • Reply Mike D November 18, 2019 at 7:01 pm

    weird combo of cute but at the same time annoying yentas. lasted 3 mins.

  • Reply Nino Brown November 18, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    2 cum dumpsters get a talk show

  • Reply david crager November 18, 2019 at 8:04 pm

    These chicks are annoying as hell

  • Reply kevin harrell November 18, 2019 at 8:30 pm

    It looks like these girls hit the wall already.

  • Reply Reid Phillips November 18, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    where do i apply to be one of these guys?

  • Reply Jeremy vince November 18, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    Female logic @19:07 “I love talking to I am being authentic” @20:23 “I’m antisocial”

  • Reply Moosehead November 18, 2019 at 9:30 pm

    You girls are soooo gross!

  • Reply Andy B November 18, 2019 at 9:37 pm

    bro imagine dudes did this on youtube

  • Reply Wayne Chusid November 18, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    Old strategy when ignoring someone hot.

  • Reply Theo Geo November 18, 2019 at 9:53 pm

    Hannah and Paige make “Summer House” watchable. The guys on the show are complete morons..

  • Reply Aidan Rupert November 18, 2019 at 10:09 pm

    this chick is work lol

  • Reply Morgan November 18, 2019 at 10:46 pm

    Omg I love this combo

  • Reply Mathieu Boisclair November 18, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Now it just feels like I want a 3h podcast of this aftermath BDSM 6some with some teasing "bruises" shown as a batch of honor… or yeah I'll range side with the "oh this is so offensive" hahaha

  • Reply John McCullers November 18, 2019 at 11:12 pm

    omg hot guy, how old are yall?

  • Reply pelican bay November 18, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    Tf is a needle tooth comb? 0:59

  • Reply Rein Gold November 18, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    Hannah Berner is so hot and interesting (no bs)

  • Reply John Williams November 18, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    Watched one highlight of Nikki Glaser roasting people and then Youtube suggested this video…Never seen or heard of Hannah Berner but she is definitely the type of person to “jokingly” say she is a 10 only she isn’t joking. Hannah you are an overachieving 8 at best. Nuff said. “I am authentic” I really do want to talk to the ugly one.

  • Reply caldude November 18, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    Why did you tube recommend this to me? I thought it was men that never grew up. These women are pathetic and sound more childish than a pre-pubescent teen. I hope YouTube doesn’t think that this is comedy.

  • Reply Rob November 19, 2019 at 12:57 am

    This girl has way too much confidence for being a 5. If this was a dude, everyone would be roasting him so hard for talking all this shit. Acting like all these hot guys are so into her and she's playing them, she's the definition of the rotation girl we keep 10 of in our phone knowing if all else fails at 2am, she's down to get a load dumped in. We have a bunch of slags that come out with us, it's hilarious when they pretend to be the belle of the ball.

  • Reply Zach November 19, 2019 at 1:41 am

    I guess they are finding out about why dan hid them from us "Crazy" Bonefire fans. Lol Crackle Crackle Campers!

  • Reply smokesgtp November 19, 2019 at 1:45 am

    Are these broads starting an Itty bitty tittie committee?

  • Reply Abun Dance November 19, 2019 at 3:51 am

    This was fantastic. Ive never laughed so hard from women no offense. Amazing personalities and hilarious.

  • Reply MICHAEL DURAN November 19, 2019 at 4:41 am

    Wtf NY Giants chick has a podcast

  • Reply Larry1077 November 19, 2019 at 6:30 am

    I know Hannah from NFL Fan Therapy.

  • Reply bigvladi November 19, 2019 at 6:51 am

    where does one sign up to be one of the 4 guys? asking for a friend…

  • Reply Darren Pelland November 19, 2019 at 6:59 am

    Unbelievable how shallow these cunts are

  • Reply C H E R C O E November 19, 2019 at 9:52 am

    Hannah Berner – I think he's dumb, like really dumb… Also Hannah Berner – oh it's six now? Bint…

  • Reply smokedout November 19, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    I could care less because I’m not a ducking crybaby. But let’s just pretend these girls are men, what do you think the public would say.

  • Reply Ant Sar November 19, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    the talking to hot guy story is exactly the way you do that with women…I guess it works both ways

  • Reply Doug Tozier November 19, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    So… stop ignoring us and just come ask us to do you.

  • Reply drmorq November 19, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    so that is why the girls always ignored me…

  • Reply Dafydd Griffiths November 19, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    Wow so shallow. Funny stories but makes me so grateful to be married and past the BS dating games people play.

  • Reply mrborderhopper5614 November 19, 2019 at 6:53 pm

    I read he’s bangin Katie Nolan. What an upgrade

  • Reply me Me November 19, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    Pretty sure these two secretly hate each other .

  • Reply hellowhatup November 19, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    I love that they don't hate each other <3 so cute, great podcast. omg gold

  • Reply Russell Rader November 19, 2019 at 8:17 pm

    Jesus Christ, men are humans too.

  • Reply JET JET November 19, 2019 at 10:20 pm

    Just freaking have sex already

  • Reply Ryan Edsall November 19, 2019 at 10:58 pm

    Love these women for their honesty.. Please excuse my shade toss, but these are some of the best examples of why us guys don’t take the super hot girls back home to meet mom.. and why so many guys stay single and stay away from marriage.. 🤣

  • Reply adrian alvarez November 19, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    crazy lol

  • Reply Daniel Faust November 20, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Chicks really don’t realize how easy it is to get with dudes 🤔🤔 they think flirting with everyone else is the way to get the guy they’re ignoring

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