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Democrats Leave Iowa, a Fake Traffic Jam & California’s Push to End Fitness Tests | The Daily Show

February 11, 2020


The Democratic primary. What was meant to be
a one-day event in Iowa has turned into a four-day
shitshow of confusion. Only about three-quarters
of the ballots are in, so we still don’t know
who officially won. But as it stands,
it’s a close race between Bernie Sanders,
the world’s youngest old man, and Pete Buttigieg,
the world’s oldest young man. But regardless of how it ends, no one is around
to give a victory speech because the candidates
have already moved on. NEWSWOMAN: Today,
all of the top candidates are in New Hampshire
ahead of the primary next week. And as you can see right there
on your screen, they’re holding events
all around the state right now. For some reason, in Iowa, they’re having a little bit
of trouble counting votes. But I am confident
that here in New Hampshire, I know they’ll be able to count
your votes on election night. (cheering and applause) Man, this is what I love
about Bernie Sanders. He does not give a damn. Because he spent a year
sucking up to Iowa, and then five minutes
after he’s left, he’s already roasting their ass. Yeah, he’s just like,
“I want to talk “about the 99% of people in Iowa who have no idea
what the (bleep) they’re doing.” I hope Bernie does this
for every state, you know, as soon
as he’s on to the next primary. He’s in Nevada next week like, “Great to be out
of New Hampshire, or, as I call it,
Dirty Massachusetts.” (laughter) But I will say this. I know there’s been
a lot of trouble, but I think Democrats
should consider themselves lucky that they get to work out
all of the voting kinks in these super white states
like Iowa and New Hampshire. Because this shit wouldn’t fly
when they’re in South Carolina. Yeah. You try and tell
an old black woman her vote isn’t going through
because of a broken app. She’ll be like,
“Oh, your app is broken? That’s funny, ’cause your ass
about to be broken, too.” (laughter) (cheering and applause) Oh, and-and speaking
of technology gone wrong, ever since traffic apps
like Waze came along, people have complained
that their neighborhoods are packed with cars trying
to find the quickest route. Well, now one artist in Berlin
might have found a solution. An artist in Germany
has found a way to create fake traffic jams
on Google Maps. He pulled around 99 smartphones
he got in a little red wagon. -NEWSMAN: Look at that!
-NEWSMAN 2: And he pulled them up and down an empty street outside Google’s
Berlin headquarters. And it took about an hour, but eventually,
the Google Maps app thought that big buses
were outside moving very, very slowly. And they put a little red line
on there that said, “Look out.
There’s a traffic problem.” Wow, that is genius. A German artist figured out that if you walk down the street
with a bunch of phones, Google thinks there’s a giant
traffic jam on the block. Which was a slick move by him, but his Verizon bill
is gonna bankrupt him, I’ll tell you that. Seriously,
99 phones is a lot of phones, even if it is
for an art project. It almost makes me think
that this is just a guy who had to come up
with an excuse after his girlfriend busted him for having a bunch
of side chick burner phones. And she was like,
“So many phones.” He’s like, “No, no, baby.
It’s for an art project. “You see,
I-I put them in my sex wagon… I mean, wheelbarrow.
Then I-I make traffic.” Yeah. But this just goes to show that you can’t always trust
these apps. Like, I can’t tell you
how many times I’ve been disappointed
that when my Uber arrived, it wasn’t
spinning uncontrollably. It’s never accurate. (laughter and applause) Now, a lot of people… a lot of people were pissed off
at this guy for disrupting traffic, but personally,
I support this artist. Because if there’s one thing
I’ve learned from history, it’s that when a German
is trying to become an artist, you help them become an artist before they become
something else. (laughter and applause) So, yeah. To that German artist, I say… All right,
moving on to health news. Remember how, in school, you had to do
that fitness test in P.E., where they made you do push-ups
while everyone watched? It was a nightmare. Right? Well, in California, that nightmare
might finally end. Governor Gavin Newsom wants
to halt mandatory physical fitness tests
for California students, because kids are getting bullied
over them. The tests are required
for fifth, seventh and ninth graders. They measure everything from
strength to aerobic capacity. Critics say the tests contribute
to body shaming and other types of bullying. Yes, California’s governor
wants to suspend gym class fitness tests
in order to curb bullying. Because we all know
bullies can’t body shame you without the metrics, you know? It’s such a weird logic. It’s like, what, the bullies
are just gonna be there, like, “Oh, man, I want to give you
a wedgie so bad, but I just don’t have
the data, man.” (sucks air through teeth) (groans) (laughs) But I-I do like where
the governor is coming from. You know? Kids in California shouldn’t be body shamed
at school. That should only happen
when they try to break into Hollywood. That’s when it counts. And I do think
there are better ways to get kids
into being physically fit. Like, for instance,
in Africa, what we do is we have
these things called lions. And they’re a very effective
motivational tool.

100 Comments

  • Reply Eliminator February 7, 2020 at 8:51 pm

    The Democratic Party obviously manipulated the caucus in Iowa. Their name now holds much irony.

  • Reply Eugenie Breida February 7, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    #MayorCheat, totally in the pocket of the establishment/corps/DNC. Hope you're paying attention. #DemocracyNow! #TheIntercept , both here on Yt

  • Reply Michael Pettersen February 7, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Let's not forget, the rule change on how votes were to be counted that caused this whole mess was put in place after protests from the 2016 Sanders campaign. I have a feeling some of the other caucuses will have similar problems.

  • Reply Eugenie Breida February 7, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    Geez, hadn't realized until this show how BOUGHT you and your audience is. I thought you were aware of the corporatist leaning of our country, to the tipping point.

    I trust you So Much LESS Trevor – couldn't be more disappointed.

    #DNCcorruption #2016rePete

  • Reply Eugenie Breida February 7, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    Trevor is a Bernie Trasher – this is putting a major finger on the scale. SUCKS! You should know better, Mr. Noah.

    Or is it all about the DNC/msm Ca$h??

    #TrustIsBroken #Sad #Bernie2020

  • Reply Chris Munoz February 7, 2020 at 9:00 pm

    Trevor LOVES to use his platform to talk up Pete and mock Bernie doesn't he…

  • Reply Sam Diamond February 7, 2020 at 9:19 pm

    Hey Trevor have you ever had to run from a lion

  • Reply Miriam Ruwe February 7, 2020 at 9:25 pm

    This is where the know-it-all in me can't stop itself: hate to ruin your joke, Trevor, but we don't have Verizon in Germany (that I know of). So the joke is on you…? 😋

  • Reply Ben February 7, 2020 at 9:26 pm

    Trevor is hilarious. But he’s still a neolib :/

  • Reply Mouse Guardian Of The Galaxy February 7, 2020 at 9:36 pm

    Sorry to be a joke nazi, but Hitler was Austrian…

  • Reply Boss man February 7, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    Bernie 2020

  • Reply FloschiX February 7, 2020 at 10:32 pm

    Lie! The official worlds oldest young man is a German politician and is called Philipp Amthor!

  • Reply qwerttzizzi February 7, 2020 at 10:37 pm

    3:39 Hitler was Austrian..not German😉

  • Reply Scot Bordent February 7, 2020 at 10:40 pm

    FUCK ALL DEMOCRATS COMMUNIST, IF YOU SUPORT THE DEMOCRATS TODAY YOU ARE NOT AN AMERICAN YOU ARE A COMMUNIST. OH AND INPEACH THIS, LMMFAO

  • Reply Raven Ravella February 7, 2020 at 10:52 pm

    Lions :)))

  • Reply Wanderlust12 February 7, 2020 at 11:32 pm

    Yall mad about his comments about Bernie, when he’s a comedian, it was a light joke you guys are ridiculous to take that comment that seriously. Trevor is not who you go to for all of your political information, you can make your own decision and do your own research. If you seriously decide your votes based on a show on Comedy Central you are the problem with America. Point blank period.
    Say what you will, but I will not argue with ignorance.

  • Reply Hulkenbreak February 8, 2020 at 1:42 am

    Bernie won, Pete and tom Perez screwed Bernie out of sdes. The fact there was a strong voter turnout for Bernie was the only way anyone was able to tell the dnc was trying to rig this bs for pete and CNN is also complacent for allowing this bs to be called the truth by giving pete the win when other media forums like the AP are not. Sad AF we can't trust this DNC either. Everyone be vigilant or they may take your Bernie vote and give it to deval patrick or Tom steyer.

  • Reply Tejah February 8, 2020 at 1:51 am

    Lol Disney never gave Adolph a chance. Quackery.

  • Reply Grace Antonio February 8, 2020 at 2:09 am

    How do they expect people to trust democrats if they dont play it straight either?!!

  • Reply el T Morales February 8, 2020 at 3:28 am

    Just for the record Hitler was Austrian (Österreicher) … I get the Joke of course 😉 Please follow me on Spotify if you dare to listen to a German Artist 😉 https://open.spotify.com/artist/4Gnfm4hkuc6ARQ4cEM6LSB?si=pwFirVOwQneMHV7X6Bx_Rw

  • Reply makeitsupersized February 8, 2020 at 4:05 am

    Trump is rigging polls.

  • Reply Orry Baum February 8, 2020 at 4:08 am

    Hitler was Austrian, not German. It might work for the laughs, but Trevor Noah and his writing staff should know better than that.

  • Reply Sion Wetan February 8, 2020 at 4:22 am

    There's actually an easier way to mess up traffic in google.

    You can submit an edit to the map such as making a two way street into one way or simply report the road is closed for a repair/event/accident.

  • Reply Ollie Smith February 8, 2020 at 4:38 am

    That fitness test help my ass so no they need to keep it. Its the only grueling thing in PE

  • Reply Howie Grossman February 8, 2020 at 5:00 am

    Trevor the day I laid eyes on you I knew you were going to be good but I never thought you’d be this great

  • Reply C Lockett February 8, 2020 at 5:26 am

    3:42 in another video he said German people don't like when he speaks German because of how it sounds. I'm part German and now I understand and totally agree

  • Reply LMOH February 8, 2020 at 5:46 am

    4:03 Oh, my, god. Dumbasses crybabies smh

  • Reply Tatopolos Pablo February 8, 2020 at 6:09 am

    sucks more every show…

  • Reply Jean-Paul Teterra February 8, 2020 at 7:04 am

    hahahaha. his german sounds so nazi

  • Reply Colin Robertson February 8, 2020 at 7:51 am

    Bernie was talking about the DNC and Pete funded app not the all people of Iowa

  • Reply squ33 February 8, 2020 at 8:03 am

    No fitness tests? That's a horrible idea! We already have a horrible obesity problem. This wouldn't help at all.

  • Reply Flo Ryan February 8, 2020 at 8:22 am

    As a Gernan, I am weirdly fascinated by Trevor‘s German 😅

  • Reply justice4ozil February 8, 2020 at 10:53 am

    Hitler was Austrian….

  • Reply Micky Mouse February 8, 2020 at 10:59 am

    NH – dirty Massachusetts? Jokes are supposed to make sense on some level, that one did not…

  • Reply Sasl42 February 8, 2020 at 11:56 am

    Ironically, the German word for traffic (Verkehr) is also used for the word intercourse (Geschlechtsverkehr or, for short, Verkehr).
    Just wanted to put that out there, in case somebody hasn't already.

  • Reply hurtig heinz February 8, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    2:43min There is no "Verizon" in Germany. Why not saying T-Mobile, which is actually German?

  • Reply hurtig heinz February 8, 2020 at 12:09 pm

    3:23min He didn't disrupt traffic at all. What are they talking about? Look at the empty street!

  • Reply H H February 8, 2020 at 12:25 pm

    Medicare for all, single payer! Bernie 2020!

  • Reply Theo Lourenco February 8, 2020 at 12:33 pm

    Yeah, because Hitler was german…

  • Reply Suadela February 8, 2020 at 1:50 pm

    Ouch Trevor. Two of your three jokes aren’t true and that makes them significantly less funny. I like it when you make fun of true things. But Bernie wasn’t making fun of the people of Iowa and Hitler wasn’t German. Come on man. You’re smarter than this.

  • Reply Los Crimefighter February 8, 2020 at 2:59 pm

    Trevor, all your hard work has paid off. You sound as white as a jehovas witness.

  • Reply Sewa Amin February 8, 2020 at 4:18 pm

    Hitler was Austrian. I think the show is funny but it would be even better if the writers knew their 8th grade history

  • Reply emem o February 8, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    I really don’t see the appeal of any democratic candidates.

  • Reply Matthias Schell February 8, 2020 at 5:53 pm

    Adolf Hitler was Austrian ya morons

  • Reply Tony Parks February 8, 2020 at 6:03 pm

    https://youtu.be/6XxgBnuvduM

  • Reply Vibhor Shrivastava February 8, 2020 at 6:08 pm

    No wonder why there are so many traffic red lines on Google maps in India. I live in Kolkata and any time there are 1000 people walking on streets.

  • Reply Teresa Amanfu February 8, 2020 at 7:48 pm

    Trevor seems to be trying hard to to make Bernie look bad.

  • Reply Felipe Bertolini February 8, 2020 at 9:27 pm

    Why Trevor hates Bernie? All the time defending the rat faced dude with the unpronounceable name

  • Reply Alexis Fearing February 8, 2020 at 11:45 pm

    CA banning those fitness tests for kids is stupid, the last thing kids need is less fitness :/

  • Reply The Humanity February 9, 2020 at 1:22 am

    Wow Trevor gives no mention of "Shadow", no mention of the DNC slowly rolling out rural counties before college towns, urban areas, & Latino/Muslim/non-white satellite caucuses, no mention of Pete declaring victory at 0% of the vote tallied, no mention of Warren and Bernie's votes getting "accidentally" reallocated to Deval Patrick & Tom Steyer in Black Hawk County, instead all we get is "Bernie is trashing the 99% in Iowa". Real classy Trevor.

  • Reply kanolemaster February 9, 2020 at 3:06 am

    BERNIE BERNIE BERNIE BERNIE BERNIE BERNIE

  • Reply Alisha Ann February 9, 2020 at 5:00 am

    As the kid with asthma that got so stressed about the physical fitness test and running the mile that I'd puke from the stress, I think it's totally fine to get rid of them 🤷

  • Reply _Truparadise Tv February 9, 2020 at 5:35 am

    Nahhh buddy these new generation kids are fucking Pansies they won’t last, America’s future is fucked!! They want to make everything soo easy for them!! What ever happened to working hard for what you want???? Always trying to find a way out of things!!!!!!! 😒😒

  • Reply mojozepeda February 9, 2020 at 6:58 am

    One of my fav pieces from Trevor in a while. It’s very refreshing him to roast other people than Trump once n a while

  • Reply Ruby Doobie February 9, 2020 at 7:51 am

    What's the big deal about who "won"? There's no extra points for getting the most votes, Pete and Bernie dominated the delegate count, that's all that matters.

  • Reply Jeronimo Cliff February 9, 2020 at 7:59 am

    What about tulsi?

  • Reply Dan L February 9, 2020 at 8:25 am

    The results are beyond obvious.

    Bernie won by a landslide.

    So much corruption in American politics it's sickening. The rich 1% is doing everything in their power to weaken Bernie's chances.

  • Reply Sachmeth94 February 9, 2020 at 9:19 am

    Trevor speaking german sound terrifying wth

  • Reply Abs0fFlab February 9, 2020 at 10:22 am

    Way to ignore Yang

  • Reply Ryvucz February 9, 2020 at 11:04 am

    Those are some obese kids.

  • Reply MetalSammie February 9, 2020 at 11:11 am

    What the F Trevor? Bernie is a good guy , are your ghostwriters force you to disinformate People, BERNIE Didnt insult people he insult the "Organizers"

  • Reply MetalSammie February 9, 2020 at 11:13 am

    And the people who is obese are because the home life is mess! They're on psychotropic drugs and eating junk food, their parents are responsible!

  • Reply SenJoris February 9, 2020 at 12:10 pm

    Sorry for Pete, but in Germany we have Philip Amthor (26) a younger older man.

  • Reply Charlotte Innoecent February 9, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    Bernie still loves Iownans, just NOT those who mucked up the vote, much of which was done by BUTTIGIEG's app, he was involved with that!

  • Reply kdoo February 9, 2020 at 1:57 pm

    hahahaha I've been to all the 48 numerous times…..I feel ya Bernie some of these states are real shit holes…..Indiana I'm talking to you!!

  • Reply Ronald Daugherty February 9, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    democrats need to change that symbol of the ' donkey ass' and make it the golden eagle or something other than a ' donkey ass' !!!

  • Reply franciszek do February 9, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    what the fuck is trevor on about. there are voting "irregularities" that disenfranchise black voters all the time.

  • Reply Keriks February 9, 2020 at 3:49 pm

    Major Pete did claim victory before there was any real results, and he was 2nd after some known results. Honestly, I don't know if its just me but I noticed that daily show is extremely favorable towards Pete, and overall establishment elections that are started recently. There is so much literal fraud and shenanigans are happening while Trevor won't even talk about it.

  • Reply Enjacku February 9, 2020 at 3:51 pm

    Bernie won by thousands of votes. Mayo Pete is a tool and banked on the fact Bernie was stuck in the Senate.

  • Reply Mark Keller February 9, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    Bernie vs Pete = Geppetto vs Pinocchio

  • Reply SamuraiKage1 February 9, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    Trevor Noah, I never took you for a corporate shill until you started bad mouthing Bernie.

    Negativity towards Bernie isn't helping, and in fact it sounds like it's intentional to damage support for Bernie. I lost all respect for you and I realized you're just another opportunist.

  • Reply Walter Siwel February 9, 2020 at 7:25 pm

    honestly… the more and more u trash bernie, the less i watch your show….
    u HAD class noah… come on.

  • Reply Jacquelyn Kelly February 9, 2020 at 8:08 pm

    Bernie won.

  • Reply Keaton Jazz February 10, 2020 at 12:46 am

    I think the Governor should try to help kids get more fit. The Junk food generation is fat. That said, Trevor, we do have LIONS in California. "Mountain lions" are still lions, just not as big as African lions.

  • Reply The adventures of Muffin The Fox February 10, 2020 at 12:57 am

    In New York you do the tests every year

  • Reply Jerepasaurus February 10, 2020 at 1:22 am

    I remember being tested as a kid, being forced to do pull-ups from a bar, which I could never remotely do because I just wasn't built as a skinny kid. I was just about ripping the skin on my hands while the PE teachers told me to try harder, even though I was violently shaking and doing my best. Later, when everyone was headed back to class from the field, I heard kids asking the teachers why I wasn't doing anything as good as the other kids, and I overheard the male teacher telling a crowd of them that I "wasn't ever trying", and basically making an example of me in secret, to always try hard and never be like the heavy kid, who can't do anything.

    I truly fucking hated those teachers, and ALL the physical testing. The thing was, I couldn't do most of the tests they gave, but I had massive endurance, and by middle school, I could literally leg press the weight of 4 adults without flinching. By high school, I could lift about 600 pounds, all without any weight training. I was only 5'3", but I could fireman carry my 6'4", 230 pound friend.

  • Reply luis garabito February 10, 2020 at 1:49 am

    Lol

  • Reply luis garabito February 10, 2020 at 1:50 am

    Fitness is important but these test are just used to place people.

  • Reply Xavier Marvel February 10, 2020 at 6:15 am

    The daily show used to be the greatest.
    Now it’s garbage.
    I stopped watching in 2016 when the corporate media bias against Bernie became apparent.
    Tonight, decided to give him another chance.
    Disgusting.
    Shame on you Trevor Noah!
    You are a fucking joke (and not a good one), riding on the success of the genius who made this show what it is.
    What it was…
    RIP daily show!

  • Reply Persiansweetcat1 February 10, 2020 at 9:22 am

    Trevor you truly talk like Hitler 😂😂😂

  • Reply StarlitLilies February 10, 2020 at 10:48 am

    So now trying to keep our kids healthy is body-shaming?? I WISH I was back in school where I was required to exercise daily and keep good form. Now I'm so unhealthy, and it's not just weight I'm talking about. Kids need these tests to inform them of how they're doing; sorry if the truth hurts but it's not much different than any other class where they get graded.

  • Reply randomlineofletters February 10, 2020 at 11:46 am

    Germany doesn't have Verizon … Our mobile service is still shitty af but at least it's accordingly cheap

  • Reply Sam Garcia February 10, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    Those fitness tests actually help though.

  • Reply Rich Greene February 10, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    America a fucked up place normal people should avoid going there.

  • Reply Carlos Spiceywhiener February 10, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    The entire process is beyond corrupt. Its all a circus joke. Also, what exactly is a "white state"? Trevor Noah is probably the most racist dude on tv.

  • Reply The Rune February 10, 2020 at 1:07 pm

    That was adirty msm take on the situaton. Iowa doesn not equal the dnc stooges that worked in Iowa…

  • Reply JC Fitz February 10, 2020 at 2:48 pm

    Pete the cheat

    God he’s a fucking shame

    He will not be trump

    Trump literally had a higher voter block with black people than trump

  • Reply Nathanyel February 10, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    Joke's on you, USA, we have no Verizon equivalent. The Telekom (you know it as T-Mobile) tried to hog both domestic and mobile internet customers, but we have multiple options in every part of the country, usually with better cost-value ratios than Telekom.

  • Reply Gottenburg February 10, 2020 at 4:31 pm

    In the comment section the following: Bernie Bros calling out Trevor for slam talking Bernie and the Trevor fans defending him. The usual "MUH DRUMPH MUH IMPEACHMENT MUH FREEDOM" shills who have the lowest amount of money in their Shareblue accounts. Simpletons

  • Reply HellaCalifornia February 10, 2020 at 4:59 pm

    No 99 red balloons reference? I’m disappointed…

  • Reply Wes Hughes February 10, 2020 at 5:45 pm

    Yeah and like the Democrats have a chance to win presidency in 2020 that's a joke Trump will always beat you like he always has Democrats are a failure

  • Reply ►What r U Waiting◄ ☺◘♪☼ February 10, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    Disgusting! thanks to Bernie now we know who is fake who is real.

  • Reply Josefina Magallanes February 10, 2020 at 7:37 pm

    WARREN 2020

  • Reply anton k. February 10, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    i got 99 phones but verizon aint one… seriosly we dont have verizon in germany…..

  • Reply RevolverOcelot2008 February 11, 2020 at 1:40 am

    Never noticed any additional traffic in my area due to traffic apps.

    Must be in those hoity toity neighborhoods where people have nothing better to do is sit and watch the road to see if they think someone belongs there or not.

    Yes there may be extra traffic when there are accidents/downed branches or lines closing certain roads but that happened before these apps too..
    Quite frankly in those rare cases I would rather have someone cutting through and knowing where they are going because of the app than being lost and potentially causing accidents trying to find their way

  • Reply Jack Scotchland February 11, 2020 at 4:30 am

    He really broke out the German

  • Reply Jonathan Rhodes February 11, 2020 at 5:35 am

    Bernie did not suck up to Iowa, rephrase your corporate language Trevor. Its called running for president!

  • Reply Green Orchid February 11, 2020 at 6:19 am

    Trevaahaah👊😅😅😅🦁

  • Reply Joe Zyzyx February 11, 2020 at 9:07 am

    No more school fitness tests? JFK is turning over in his grave. No more "chicken fat" songs? youtube.com/watch?v=af2j59zzX3Q
    >>>>>>>>more youtube.com/watch?v=YZCHJd0JjpU

  • Reply The Foxfires February 11, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    If they cheat Bernie again it’ll cost them the election. Calling it now.

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