Federer avoided Nadal at Roland Garros. He’s been training for the grass season, right over in this area. Finally, he boarded the plane for Stuttgart, to play his first grass tournament just as planned. Roger is going to be so fresh. He won’t lose on grass in 2017. My Führer, Steiner… Steiner tells us Federer has played his opening match. He lost to Tommy Haas 6-4 in the third. If you cretins ever doubted Roger, even in 2008, 2013, or 2016, leave now. How could this possibly be? Are you people frigging kidding me? Tommy Haas is on his farewell tour, How many times has he been on the operating table? He’s a tournament director, for God’s sake. He’s even older than Roger! He’s probably not even training anymore. How could the GOAT lose this match on grass? Tommy Haas is a former #2 in the world. 15 years ago! You know he’s not even in the top 300 now. But my Führer, Federer can still do well at Wimbledon. You thought Novak’s loss to Vesely was nothing, a mere bump in the road. Next thing you know, he’s losing to Querrey at Wimbledon, and Istomin in Australia, as the defending champion in both. Novak’s not even ranked in the top 3 anymore. He lost in straight sets at the bloody French too. This could happen to the Swiss Maestro! One day he will retire, and that will be worse than the days of Stalin! You know me since the academy. That day strikes fear in my entire being. Image tennis without this living legend. And without the big 4, battling it out for every Major and 1000 tournament under the sun. Without the epicness of the Federer-Nadal rivalry? We’ll have transient number ones. Or number ones that don’t win Slams. That’s right, 6-week champions like Marcelo Rios! Zverev will be a worthy #1. I suppose there’s a silver lining… for Tommy, on his last year on tour, to get the win. Roger remains #2 in the race. We’re fortunate he’s still at the top of the game and I want to enjoy every minute. Let’s have our military briefing.