*Fratelli D’Italia plays* *Matt groans* *Fratelli D’Italia continues while Matt attempts to turn off the alarm* *Music stops* *Matt fatiguingly groans* *Matt yawns* *Lights beep* *TNT by AC/DC begins* Formula One is back! And boy did things get going. It was business as usual during practice, it only took until later for everybody to get really riled up about things. The eliminator qualifying did its job very well, which was to fuck everything up. Confusion ran rampant, teams got caught with their pants down and Q3 was a complete disgrace. At least the timer looked nice, though. The starting grid was the most predictable top 4 ever, so I won’t even mention them. Followed by Verstappen, Massa, Sainz, Ricciardo, Perez and Hulkenberg. I’m so bored and hyped at the same time, so let’s get this on. The new season of MSTF1 truly begins here. (Martin Brundle): Look, here’s that 3D printed er- steering wheel they’ve got on the Force India that we were looking at. When all your businesses fail you have to start cutting costs somewhere. The indecision commission! (MB): We’ve got- Jos Verstappen’s just got out of his car- And Martin Brundle just got in his time machine. You’re back! You said you’d come back and here you are! (Arnold Schwarzenegger): I’m addicted. So am I, except I hate myself for it, a little bit. (MB): Are you doing the podium today? (AS): No- Fuck this race, I hate it already! I’m-a coming for you toooo! E-rekto, cuz! (Please edit this) [There you go, Charlie] (MB): Yeah- (FIA Official): You’re not a driver anymore. Ow, I’m feeling bad for him. Here comes K-Mag in his Kill Bill cosplay, as the Sky magnet walks by. (MB): All good, Lewis? One word? (Lewis Hamilton): Nah, I gotta rush here, dude. That one had to hurt the deepest. (Samantha Jade): ♪Advance Australia FaiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIII-♪ (loudly) I think that’s a little bit too loud. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, that plane is huge! Matt says: “Think before you block” How’s THAT for a callback, huh? Wait… There we go. (singsong): Oh Chris (CookP1), this one’s for you! And that’s how Kvyat got his car stolen, but it’s okay because he can get a spare. (Matt suddenly realizing that the FIA banned spare cars in 2008) Oh wait… This would never happen in Sochi. The 2016 Formula One Season is go and YES! *Matt cheers loudly and wildly in the background* The 2016 Formula One season is go and Sebastian Vettel LEAPS into first place! Rosberg drops a smoke bomb on the first turn and he edges out Hamilton who drops behind Massa, and lets Raikkonen through. But who fucking cares? Vettel’s in first! (Kevin Magnussen): Puncture, puncture *inaudible* (Magnussen’s engineer): Okay, understood, box this lap, box this lap. They’re peeling the banana already. Holy shit, give this kid the 2018 title already! (Esteban Gutierrez): I have some problems with the engine. They’re clipping the bald eagle’s wings, too. Bless the banana… …forget about it. Blatant irony is best irony. VTEC now comes with warp speed. Why is this so tiny? I think Checo scared the camera man. (David Croft): Er- get yourself a bowl of mozzarella cheese, nice and shiny and grippy on the outside, cut it open and it’s all marbly. (David Croft): And that’s what the graining tyre should look like. You can’t make pizza with a graining tyre, though, that’s a big downside. My national support keeps taking hits. (LH): I can’t get past this guy. Why are you complaining? That’s a good thing. Bottas goes bananas, but now he’s cool again. Formula One 2016, now with Nico-on-Nico action. Smooth, what a relief. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! This race is all kinds of amazing and it never stops! Sweet mother of heaven, you’re tickling my special parts! And now half of America’s hopes are gone, let’s laugh at their misery! *Matt laughs and then realizes Alonso’s car is upside down* Oh. I think I gotta take a breath too, damn. I feel a little bad joking about this one, even though Alonso’s okay but… here goes. Instead of taking off, Gutierrez decided to be the runway. And the red flag has been predictably thrown. Time to sit down, clear our heads and get a hot dog. Be right back. *Matt imitates Jurassic Park (SNES) elevator music* The race has been restarted and Rio Haryanto is out as well. So Manor decided to pump up Wehrlein. And Gutierrez also gave Kai Ebel the cold shoulder, which was pretty funny. (Ted Kravitz): I’m just wondering, I’m racking my brain, I can’t figure out why Ferrari didn’t just shadow Mercedes and just put the medium tyre on. Because disappointment is Ferrari’s order of always. (Kimi Raikkonen): Uh, something happened, uh, I broke something. See? Chill, Kimi, no need to get all fired up about it. (Crofty): …would dearly love… to go home from his… home grand prix er- with something for the uh, trophy cabinet; (Crofty): be it in Milton Keynes or whether he’s allowed to keep it in his own flat, I’m not sure. I don’t think that first option is very safe. Amazed at how you haven’t fucked up yet? This race is basically a far superior version of last year’s. Good moves, but not good enough. (Carlos Sainz): Guys, we need to stop, stop. No, no, no, no, nooo… Aww. You build me up with so much joy only to PULL me back down! Why? Why do you do this to me? Not all is bad at least. (Crofty): -they almost touch, rear to fronToro Rosso to Force India- Nice segway. (Max Verstappen): How many times I said I have problems with the tyres? I wanted to pit first. *bleep* Ah, hormones. Pit already! Oh goddammit, you fucking imbeciles! (MB): Suddenly, the sun starts to shine. *Crofty chuckles* The light’s coming in, the- Okay, now you’re making fun of me. (Crofty): Uh, talking of bright things, the uh- Pantone yellow for uh, Jolyon Palmer in the Renault, the 116c, I think it is. Welcome to The Joy of Painting, with David Croft. (MB): And these two boys that- (MV): Can I try to get past? (Xevi Pujolar): Yes. (Crofty): Verstappen, not for the first time ever, is saying look- “Get him out the way, I wanna have a go here-” That’s not what he said. (MV): Let me try because this takes too long. (XP): Just do it. (MB): I think he’s saying, “Yeah, you could pass Sainz if you want, and have a go” but I don’t think they’re telling Sainz to let him through. EXACTLY! Someone can actually listen in here! (MB): We’ve not got driver tracker up here- (MV): Come on, we have to do something. Let’s begin with YOU chilling out. (Marco Matassa): Okay, Carlos, push. (CS): I am pushing, I am pushing, don’t tell me to push. Think about wristwatches, that tends to help. Blue screen on the blue car leaves the driver feeling blue. Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, all is well. *Alonso and his agent communicating in Spanish, actually* (Crofty): They’re speaking Italian. No shit, I thought it was Klingon. Wristwatches, Carlitos, I told you, wristwatches. The home crowd sees themselves denied. Again. *Swedish accent* Uh guys? I need those to drive. Bye bye, slow Mr. Mustard. Poor, poor Aussies. *Crowd cheering* Okay, maybe not. (MV): Always, I’m out front and I’m pulling away, and now you don’t let me pass, it’s a fucking joke. Really. You’re only making a fucking joke of yourself. (MB): He’ll be getting a detention and a hundred lines with that sort of uh, language. Get it, guys? ‘Cause he’s really young? *Forced laughter* The wristwatch thing goes for you too, Max. Look at that cliff dropping. And there it goes! I’m really questioning my bias right now. Fucking fuckity fuck shit CUNT! *Crowd cheers* That’s it, take away their Foster’s! (Sebastian Vettel): *bleep* Sorry, guys. It’s okay, it’s okay. *IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY* Meanwhile, somebody just won’t give up. And in the end, Penelope Pitstop [I regret making this joke tbh], Nico Rosberg wins the 2016 Wacky Australian Grand Prix. Followed by Lewis Hamilton in second place and Sebastian Vettel in third. Ladies and gentlemen, Formula One is back. ♪O say, can you see? By the the dawn’s early light?♪ *bald eagle caws* (Tony Ross): YYYES! Well done, well done. Good job. Yes! Tony Ross is excited, finally! (Team radio): *Garage cheering* Checkered flag, Romain, checkered flag, absolutely amazing dude! (Romain Grosjean): Guys, listen to me; this is a win for us! This is a win! Unbelievable for everyone, unbelievable. I don’t even know where we finished. Unbelievable. ♪What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming♪ ♪Whose broad stripes and bright stars-♪ (Crofty): Did anyone uh, Haasume that they could do this? FUCK OFF, you ruined the moment! I’ve never seen second place affect a man so deeply. This race brought to you by b-b-b-b-bantah! (Nico Rosberg): First of all, did you have fun this weekend, everybody? *Crowd cheers* Debatable…! (SV): You want some more? (Mark Webber): No, no, no, mate. It’s uh-, you know I get drunk very fast these days, mate So I’ll stay away from you guys. (SV): I know, I know you do. (MW): You know, we’ve had some moments- (SV): And then you start singing “Summer of ’69”. (MW): “Summer of ’69” well, it happens quick. At least it’s not “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?”. WOOHOO, this could not have been a better start to the season. The result was disappointing, yes, but the race was still awesome, I haven’t felt like this in awhile. If the rest of the season’s like this, I won’t complain… as much. I wish Bahrain was next weekend but there’s this stupid Easter in front. Stupid holidays, who cares about chocolate eggs? Well anyway, like if you liked the video, subscribe for more videos in the future and share if it’s not too much trouble with you. Thank you all very, very, very, very, VERY much for watching, and I will see you on the next race.